“It could be worse, you could be a slug. Imagine that. Seriously, imagine actually being a slug: You look like a turd, you’re covered in slime, all you do is drag your own rancid body along, looking for cabbage. That’s all you do.
”You seen any cabbage, Dave?”
”No I haven’t, Alan.”
”Oh well, onwards in my quest for cabbage. Oh no, I’ve got gravel on me belleh.”
THAT Is depressing. You can’t even cry; if you do the tears will melt your face.”—Russell Howard (via edbb)